CHAPTER ONE: THE COMMITMENT

The commitment began with gusto but also with apprehension. One minute I was sharing cocktails with Jack while bitching about work, and the next, making a declaration that I was headed to Europe. Executing this brainchild could be viewed as treason by my employer and reckless behavior by my staff. I don’t even want to think about what my kids would think. I was choosing to put my life on hold, with no regard for anyone’s need but my own. I had no idea where this yearning came from, but I was now like a cat stalking a squirrel. I had been to Europe years ago as part of a college group with my daddy paying all all my expenses. This time I would be on my own, with no physical, emotional or financial aid. Not knowing one living soul in France, this scheme seemed bizarre even to me… but then so had the notion of owning a Lexus.

It was now time to get down to business. I knew there was a race track of hurdles to leap, but I also knew that the brimming glass of water began with the first drop. I commenced with my job. Being a medical practice manager not only paid my bills, but was a source of self respect and personal identity. If I couldn’t jump over bar number one, (reasoning that the business could not operate without me), there would be no need to move on to bar number two. The contest would end before it began.

My job is extremely frustrating for a wealth of reasons, but I openly admit that I love it. And I love my boss, whom I truly believe walks on water. Dr. Garrison, or Dr. G to those of us who know him, hired me twenty years ago when I was in need of “Christmas money.” With a Bachelor’s degree in French (we’ll discuss this later) and a Master’s in Education, I was extremely deficient in medical training. (As in I had zero) But he saw something special and took a chance, hiring me on the spot. I impressed him with my tenacious nature and ability to learn. He impressed me by being the most amazing physician and humanitarian I had ever met.

I proved my value by working my way from entry level medical receptionist to insurance claims processor. Dr.G, (the G actually stands for Genius) continued to guide me in leadership skills and management techniques. He appreciated my ability to assess problems and as a team, we diagnosed and treated them. As our business savvy soared, we watched the bottom line go from red to black. Soon, I was sitting at his side as his Practice Manager and virtual partner. So although I didn’t need Jack’s approval on this new revelation, I DID need Dr. G’s.

Equally important to my success was Emma Wallis. Emma was my colleague and most trusted friend at work. Although our personal dealings outside of the office were limited, (she had a husband), she was the butter on my bread in the workplace. She was Radar O’Reilly to my Colonel Potter, perceiving my needs before I did, and also like Radar, Emma always had the practices’ best interest at heart. So you see, even if Dr. G. agreed to my plan, it was dead in the water without the allegiance of Emma.

The Monday following my spontaneous declaration, I reckoned I’d start at the top and approach my boss first. (Brilliant decision huh?) Mustering my gumption and trying to prepare for the worst, or at least a laundry list of negatives, I requested an audience with Dr. G. I entered his office at the allocated time and quietly closed the door behind me as he diligently worked at his desk. Beholding his office interior was always a horror. Patient charts were scattered in all directions, notes were scribbled on pieces of prescription pads, medical journals and reference books littered every available surface. It had taken me years to comprehend that this was the natural habitat of this genius; and that no matter how deep the clutter, there was always space for tending to a problem. Today, I was the problem and as usual, he was the problem solver.

Being knee deep in thoughts and papers, he didn’t notice me at first. I stood erectly before him, braced to address his concerns for the business and to defend my madcap thought process. I have been a responsible business manager for years, eating lunch at my desk and basically being on call 24/7 for any office emergency that might arise. I have been aroused from sleep more than once in the middle of the night to meet the police due to  security system false alarms. Because of my solid history, I felt confident that I was due this indulgence, but could not face the possibility of disappointing him.

I inhaled deeply and then plunged headfirst into the icy water. “Dr. G,… I need to go to France!” I rushed on before I had a chance to lose my nerve. “I need to submerge myself in a new culture. I can’t explain why, I just feel that I have to go.” I exhaled silently through clenched teeth, awaiting his response.

He leaned way back in his swivel chair and sat pensively for a brief moment. I always hated when he did that. Each time I found myself anticipating the chair’s collapse and him tipping unceremoniously onto the floor. Then, as if he and Jack had had a prior conversation, he simply inquired, “How long will you be gone?” So there you have it. I might just as well have said that I was headed out to lunch. His response would have been the same. Oh wait, there was one other thing he asked: “When will you go?”

I was relieved but must admit, not stunned by his reaction. He is without a doubt, one of the most intuitive men I have ever known. He is a gifted leader, a good friend, and a doctor “extraordinaire.” So it was no real surprise when Dr. G. did not scream, ”Jaime, what the hell are you thinking!?” First of all, he never screams. Not once in the two decades of our personal or professional relationship have I heard him scream. And although medical terminology of Greek or Latin derivation rolls off his tongue effortlessly, he seems incapable of uttering the simplest of four letter words.

“September,” I said, finally remembering to respond. “I plan to spend two months beginning in September.”

“Where will you go in France? Where will you stay?” he asked with genuine interest. Now, these were entirely appropriate questions to which I had an utterly inappropriate answer.

“I have no idea! I just know that it will be the south of France. Somewhere on the Mediterranean Sea. I want a house, and it must be walking distance to the shore.”
I waited, allowing him a moment to ruminate over the foolhardy edict I had just unveiled, before continuing. “But I can’t go if you have any reservations whatsoever. And I can’t go unless Emma will consent to step up and assume all of my responsibilities on top of her own. I cannot in clear conscience leave our business for any amount of time without fully believing that you and our patients will be well taken care of in my absence.”

There was a moment of silence as he leaned even further back in his chair. It moaned under his weight causing me great chagrin. “I think you should go Jaime!” he said with conviction. “Now go talk to Emma.” My smile radiated with gratitude. I bear-hugged him, then backed out of his office with a very positive resolve. One down, one to go. The next victim on my horizon was Emma.

I found her glued to her computer screen curiously searching for solutions to problems in numbers. Closing the door behind me, I redirected her attention and took a deep breath. “Emma, I want to do something I have never done before.” Her voice said nothing but her look said carry-on so I did. “But I can’t do it without your help.”

Now, if there is an angel on earth whose name is Dr. G, then he has a sidekick named Emma. She appraised me with concern, yet interest, then said, dragging the word out to show her willingness to hear whatever insane thing I might say.”Ooooooookaaaaaay…I’m listening.”

She shifted uneasily in her seat as I gulped a swallow of air.”Emma, I want to take a leave of absence. I want to go away for two months, but I can’t do that without knowing that you will fill my shoes and support Dr. G and everyone here–”

“Oh my God,” she interrupted, (probably relieved that I wasn’t dying) “Oh my God! Of course I will!” She jumped her feet and squealed, “Where-are-you-going?”

“Emma!” I commanded, like the trainer of an out-of-control puppy, “Listen to what I’m saying: I want to leave all of the business issues, staff incongruities, patient annoyances, and stress I’m feeling right now, in your hands! I need you to think about this very hard and very earnestly before you commit. I want you to talk it over with Richard and understand that you are agreeing to an enormous responsibility.”

I could tell that she was no longer listening. Her head was in the clouds imagining my future. “Focus Emma,” I said. (but was thinking, Sit puppy Sit!) “I simply can’t proceed with this idea unless I know that you will be there in my place.  But, more importantly, I have to believe that you understand what you’re getting into!”

Emma gazed at me with the smile of an adoring child who had just been handed the biggest triple-scooped ice cream cone ever. She never waffled or spluttered: she simply announced, “Of course I will! Where are you going?”

“France” I replied quietly, not trusting her too eager reply. “The south of France, somewhere by the sea.”

“FRANCE!!??!! That’s fabulous!!” she shrieked. “Oh my God, that is so exciting! I can’t even imagine such a thing. But don’t call it a leave of absence,” she warned. “Call it a sabbatical.” Then she smiled, apparently pleased with her new role as my partner in crime.

So it appeared as though my second and probably most valuable ally was secured. I think the word sabbatical gave her comfort. She is a very spiritual and giving young woman, and the idea that I was taking a “time out to meditate,” as opposed to “leaving to possibly never return,” provided her serenity and peace. She never questioned that this idea was a need on my part and seemed to grasp that it had no chance of success without her and Dr. G’s buy in; she (as I knew she would) “Got It.”

I hugged her vigorously, reassured and thrilled by her response. “Please don’t tell anyone else in the office yet,” I begged. “I want you to mull over and digest everything I said before you make up your mind. Take your time and be sure that Richard is also on board. I’ve only shared this cockamamie idea with you and Dr. G. You two are the cogs that make the wheel go round.” She replied instantaneously….

“I won’t change my mind Jaime,” and added with the grin of a Cheshire cat. “You can count on me!”